Dec 19, 2025

T'is friday! two weeks of break (and erratic blog posting) are nigh... I've got too much homework to do to call it a "break", truly. I played speed (card game, not the drug) with luneth in environmental science today...!!! and MAN i wish they canceled school today. It was a bastard to drive in. I so dearly wish to go back to antique stores and flea markets... I need to do a bunch of housekeeping at home (thats where you do it typically) and set up my miniature christmas houses like a NERD!!! You ever realize how many things have gelatin in them? how many things don't NEED GELATIN AT ALL?? I can't eat things that I never noticed weren't vegetarian. But I can eat soy yogurt. I love soy yogurt. My mom got me a carton yesterday and that shit's almost gone. freakin killer, dood... mail me soy yogurt in a box for christmas. No container. Just scoop it into the box. be wild. be free.

TODAY'S MISSION: skip the school assembly bcuz its loud and smelly and crowded and I don't like most of the people in it.

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Dec 18, 2025

I believe I shall become a Vegetarian. I have thought of it for the past few months, but I have put my own selfish desires before my moral interests for long enough. I have nothing against those who eat meat. For many, there is no choice; however, I have the privelege to turn my support to more ethical industries. I love tofu :) There will be challenges, and my diet will be miserable for a bit until I get used to this thing, but too many chickens and pigs and cows are constricted to cages only big enough to fit their own bodies....it's awful. PETA has given this whole animal rights movement a bad look. People think of all the harm that organization has done, and assume all of us who believe in their core ideas are crazy hippies. I'm an environmentalist, and today I learned that it takes 20 times more land and 10 times more water to produce the same amount of calories from beef as it does from plants. 70% of our acgricultural land is used for animals. It's unsustainable and will not support our Earth forever. I am aware that ethical sources of eggs and milk exist, but I believe "ethical slaughter" is an oxymoron. Beef is not worth the carbon dioxide and methane. In many ways I am a hypocrite. Not this one. I cannot preach environmental health and eat a burger for dinner... It doesn't sit right with me. I have the choice to refuse. I believe I shall refuse.

TODAY'S MISSION: Eat tofu for dinner, if we have any...

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Dec 17, 2025

Only wednesday.....i'm full of iced tea. roughly 60% of the human body is water...mine is probably 5% tea right now. my face is itchy and bloated. I just keep rubbing my eyes and nose and I feel greasy and achy... I've aquired paints and brushes for doll repainting!!! I'm practicing so I can really blow my expectations out of the water. It's a shame, Toralei might be nude for a while... until I can sew or buy some clothes for her. she will be truly unique :). My pants have a hole in them!!! I must repair it asap!!! today feels so long...maybe on my lunch break i'll take a nap in my car. lol. is it this weather? does the cold snow and ice really weigh that much upon my eyelids? My vision is blurring. My pencil sits limp in my hand. Even typing is getting hard... I'm pretty sure I snored like a pug with a respiratory infection in environmental science. oops. I need a job. Maybe some gig where I work once a week or do babysitting freelance work...regardless of how, I NEED MONEY. I hate how much money controls our society, but so much in life is padded by wealth. Gas, gifts, dates, little trinkets I don't need...I feel so much more independent when I've got the safety of a few dollar bills through tough situations. if anyone i know irl is reading this...lmk if youve got any odd jobs that need a-fillin by an incompentent womanchild. I need a drink. some more tea.....

TODAY'S MISSION: SLAP MY BELLY LIKE A FAT SEAL!!!

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Dec 16, 2025

Damn.. I'm tired, broke, out of shape, struggling with my grades...but we keep fighting!! XP!!

TODAY'S MISSION: sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

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Dec 15, 2025

ooogh....another monday...Saturday was really fun! getting free breakfast + lunch was a bonus, but seeing all the cool robots at these FTC competitions is really my jam, no matter how ingenuity of their designs. I found a lot of two rerooted monster high dolls I might buy. I could practice repainting faces on one...that would be REALLY cool. This week I must buy gifts, white elephant things, and various other objects before the holiday shoppers REALLY kick it up in volume. I wish my calculus quiz could be graded. We did it like a week ago and I REALLY think this is the one that'll up my grade...the anticipation is killing meeeee!! I've been playing a cool two-person video game with mellow. It's called Operation: Tango. Sometimes it makes me feel stupid, but stupid in a funny way. I'm halfway through day one out of five, and then I'm out for two weeks.. Man, I need Jersey Mike's. I need a good sandwich right about now. Or right about tomorrow, or any day of the week. I'm not picky. I think about the turkey-and-provolone little number my boyfriend got yesterday, and I am driven mad with yearning. I yearn for a lot. I'm greedy like that.

TODAY'S MISSION: make it through the day..

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Dec 12, 2025

This little old site's gotten 1.5k views...how about that? I don't think it's accurate. Most of them are probably me. I need to step back from this leisure. I'm tired of being okay with things. it wasn't self-love that built me into this academic piece of work, it was stress. What business do I have feeling happy about myself? I haven't earned that right at all. to sleep, perchance to Dream; I need something bad for me. Dystrophic energy drinks or nicotine patches to plaster my flesh with. I need something to make me feel like dirt. So when I manage to grow something from all this mud and silt and rock, it doesn't seem so bad. It would feel right. I tell myself that a nice break would help me gather my bearings. That snow day? a day to get work done? I kid myself. I'll rot the time away in my bedroom, stagnant, like an old cup of water you don't dare to drink. I'll never learn, haha. I'm a hypocrite in so many ways. I have two A's, one B, two C's, and a D. beneath this fluoxetine there's a person who'd care about that. From 7 am to 4 pm tomorrow...volunteer work!! I ate some soup today. i'm feeling better.

TODAY'S MISSION: Sort out the food gif issue.

TODAY'S FOOD GIF:

Dec 11, 2025

Just as I suspected....the rotating food gifs are broken if sent within the confines of an email. I will have to download them to a google drive folder or upload them right to neocities, the latter of which i do Not Want To Do because of storage concerns. I'm freaking starving!!! the status effects of 9 PM Dairy Queen have worn off and left me full of bile!!! and not much else!!! Myk3l has offered me skittles. I feel like an oompa loompa. BUUUT I'm getting crab rangoons and sushi after school with mellow!!! who is probably reading this!! hi mellow!!! so thats actual nutrition to look forward to. I'm an oompa loompa that loves imitation crab :'-). You know who I've grown to like recently? Abbey Bominable's G1 core doll. I was ambivalent many moons ago....but now i'm in REALLY deep to this entire doll thing, and view her through rose-colored lenses. Not actually. Those would make her purple. I hope I don't get money for christmas...I'm not sound of mind over here. Save up for college? Save up for emergencies??? NAY! go, my funds! make haste to depop!!! hey, atleast it's not temu. I'm a classy impulse buyer. I can't believe there are people paying for AI subscriptions.....grok or chatgpt or some shiz like that. there are sound spending habits, dubious spending habits, and flat out nincompoopish spending habits. AI companions....ugh. I get it. I've been lonely before, COVID was hard on all of us...but I truly worry for those who set themselves up for inevitable heartbreak, after all these AI husbands or wives get updated and break, or snap out of whatever they've been conditioned to act like. They're so unapologetic about how harmful it is on the environment, too. Your "love" cannot justify the gallons of water polluted by the corporations who play individuals like yourself to make their money. Who am I talking to? Once again, I'm ranting to people who will never read it. All my mutual readers are anti-ai... I'm just complaining. lol. these skittles are yummy. They cause cancer in california. But i'm not in california. Checkmate, cancer.

TODAY'S MISSION: survive one more week until christmas break...

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Dec 10, 2025

rant of the day: whats up with dog treats looking like human treats. like...u go to the grocery store, and you'll see AISLES of the most delectable looking oreos and cookies and theyre FROSTED and they have SPRINKLES ON THEM....and in TINY TINY letters...boom. food 4 dogz. Why can't we all be shaping them like bones like the NORMAL companies do?? If i pick up a cookie and it's shaped like a bone, I'm gonna think its for a dog.....but some of these people are flying too close to the sun. this is NOT because I have recently consumed any canine food items. I have NOT done that. I have been SOBER for almost FIFTEEN years of that jazz. my era of being a toddler and putting anything remotely edible in my stomach concluded long ago. Mostly because I'm not a toddler anymore. ON TO MORE PRESSING ISSUES!!! I source my rotating food gifs from archive dot org. ONLY ONE PROBLEM... My school blocks archive dot org. I type up a lot of my blog stuff during school... Possible solutions? I create a google drive of my favorites and send them to my school email...but that'll take sorting through all 400-something gifs, putting them into a folder, and then sending them elsewhere... and who knows if that'll actually work? It's tough being a blog with a gimmick... My ancestors look upon me with GREAT disdain. only because I haven't crafted the ultimate food gif vault yet... I'm drinking MAD amounts of water rn and it kind of tastes like soap but so does everything sometimes. FOOD GIF OF THE DAY IS A BUN!!! LOOKING LIKE A PIG!! what's inside? probably pork. we'll never know. maybe some knowledge is best left unsought. I shoveled the driveway of snow and now my muscles hurt....I hope I get giant biceps. the robot we're building for the middle school robotics team is jank. As in, they didn't give us measurements on where to fasten things onto other things. So we're onto the launcher right now, and just figuring out that some things by the wheels are messed up. I love nyloc nuts! I love hex bolts! These construction guys outside my house need to shut up!!! putting in all this work just to build paper-thin houses smaller than my kitchen...and THEN having the STONES to charge >$2700 a month. the only nearby conveniences are a sketchy gas station and a CBD store. I guess we also have a taco truck that's pretty decent...maybe that's why they're are so expensive. My outsides are cold and my insides are warm. Can you say the same?

TODAY'S MISSION: bury myself under a bunch of blankets and reach a state of tulip-bulbiness.

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Dec 9, 2025

WHAT'S THIS>?!! A new look for the blog!! Please don't call it ugly, i'll cry. I've been working hard, and i'm just happy to have something new. I'm improving slowly and I'm becoming more comfortable messing around in HTML. My car is having engine problems, of which the origins are unclear....I'm hoping a simple oil change will fix it. I'm thinking of revamping the other pages, too. But for the home page....I'm not sure what I want to put there. Many decisions!! I spilled motor oil on my pants and now they look like crap...bummer. Also been looking at more Monster High Dolls. I'm praying for some g1 steal to come my way so I can restore it and have something to be proud of...even though no-one else will care besides mellow, lol. I haven't told u netizens yet...but in January, I'm going up to my future university to compete in a scholarship event!! I could get a full ride if I do well enough...and I mean, REALLY blow their socks off. How am I going to do that? I'm just looking forward to heading up there...i'll be at peace :).

TODAY'S MISSION: Go to middle school robotics and do robotics thingz.!

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Dec 8, 2025

Luneth's site is so kewl... She's editing through it rn...I'm totally stealing her idea for a film page....sorry NOT SORRY!!! Mellow and I watched the FNAF movie on friday....It was a lot of fanservice, but it was fun fanservice. We ran into a woman who was stuck in the snow and blocking roads heading North...and mellow jumped out of the car to help!! So then I'm parking the car, grabbing everything I thought would help, and running through a busy road with all-black clothes on and a stomach full of popcorn and Dr. Pib. Really made me realize how out of shape I am...haha. There we were, in a random person''s icy driveway, pushing a car with all our might. I almost slipped (and mellow DID slip...) But I can't tell you how good it felt to feel the car lurch back and free itself from its snowy tomb...The woman was so happy! She said she loved us, and then got beeped at by a bunch of jerks who weren't paying attention to what had just happened. I hope she's having a good day right now. It felt nice to help. The walk back to the car was dangerous, and mellow almost got hit a few times...gulp. I almost puked when all the excitement was over...The popcorn was NOT sitting well after all that strenuous pushing and running through snow...I'm glad i'm dating someone who would selflessly help a person in need, without question. I know a lot of "love-thy-neighbor" types at this school who would turn a blind eye to struggle. This aggressive christian guy in my humanities class comes to mind. ugh. Seriously, why take a course about world culture, philosophy, and religion if you are hellbent on expressing your intolerance for these topics? No, I don't think you're being oppressed because we didn't talk about Jesus enough (In your opinion, at least.. We did do an entire lesson on it though. But you were asleep.) Nothing shows an individual's true colors like observing how they treat those who they do not view as "worthy". It's so simple to just be kind...And these teachers already have to go through enough for so little pay. I prithee: Will your time spent in church or relentless push of christianity be enough to get you into heaven? How will your deeds weigh on your soul? Will that bible passage on your instagram page save you from the karma you have earned? I love christians who prioritize kindess over ideology, seriously. It's a tragedy how rare they are. My robotics mentor is a christian, but he's a good guy, first and foremost. If all christians were like him, I'd be less of an atheist. It's a shame how christians my age have intertwined their religion with intolerance and conservatism. God loves our immigrants. God loves our homosexuals and transgenders. This is a letter to a man who will never recieve it. Even if I did occupy him with the things I've discussed, he wouldn't listen. "God loves you." is their favorite phrase; they fail to recognize that God cannot project his love without their help. So many of "God's messengers" have sharp tongues and words that wound like bullets. Would it be so bad to put down the gun and listen?

TODAY'S MISSION: Watch mellow's brother's band concert.

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Dec 5, 2025

Anotha week in tha books.. with significantly more homework accomplished! What changed? Was it thanksgiving break? It can't be my meds. If anything, those make me LOSE my sense of urgency. Anyways, that makes me feel a lot more free for this weekend...wow. Who knew. I do still have work to do...but it's FUN work. It's pretty much all topics I get to choose with pretty lenient deadlines. I want to go antiquing, or something....Find some monster high dolls or something. locate someone who doesn't know quite what they got, or DOES know what they have, and is charging a fair, decent price for it. I also have to finish season 2 of ER! I stopped because I was watching it too fast, haha. While i'm talking abt the show... I got a killer t-shirt for a pretty killer price :D!! Life iz gud. my friend myk3l gave me a cheez-it, I might watch the FNAF movie with my boyfriend, and I'm starting to like robotics again. I've been trying to draw more during my 6th period, cuz right now I'm like a week ahead... mainly just heads and shoulders of people. I used to be a pretty decent artist, maybe i'll get better? maybe i'll find myself turning back into the person I wanted to be in middle school. Maybe I should get better at HTML!!! cuz when I look at my friendz' pages, and then I look at mine....Man, mine SUUUUX!!! I'm so uncool....but I think I'm sorta cool sometimes? myk3l won't stop drawing charlie from smiling friends. It's getting to a point... might stage an intervention.

TODAY'S MISSION: draw more instead of listening to hamlet's edgelord-ass in humanities.

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Dec 4, 2025

What do you mean it's almost Friday, already? That doesn't feel right...I went to high school robotics yesterday, for the first time in a while. I did 3D modeling of a plate and dowel combo to hold up an encoder on a wheel assembly some other students are making...and it felt great!! I missed 3D modeling so much...all programming and no build makes saoirse a dull girl. I'm not sure if i'll switch back to the build side of things, though...we're in desperate need of programmers, but I enjoy design work so much more. Sometimes I worry that, as a senior, I don't have the freedom to admit I'm still learning, or that it's okay to fall short of completion with the work I am given. I need to understand that people won't hate me for asking questions. I need to understand that my mentors won't percieve me as absolutely and utterly incompetent for being not as skilled as my teammates. I'm working on all that... It's tough to tell myself that things are okay. I'm actually up to date on calculus homework, which is a first... haha. I can call myself somewhat "confident" in my abilities to understand the work we are doing and all the theorems we are learning. My mother believes otherwise. I hope to do well on our next quiz, and prove to her that I'm not taking this college class for nothing. I'm old enough to get excited when gas is cheaper than it was previously. I am turning into an actual adult now....yikes.

TODAY'S MISSION: SERIOUSLY finish the expository work today.

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Dec 3, 2025

ARGH! sorry about that edgelord entry yesterday... I was in my feels. I'm better now, I've got an energy drink in my stomach and sog in my socks from all this gosh darn snow. A weird urge to do some restoration work on some old Monster High dolls plagues me as of late. I scrounge around on Mercari and Depop in my freetime, and I look for the sleaziest, most pitiful dolls I can find at a good price. I found a Rochelle Goyle for like, 8 bucks, because she's missing a leg, arms and all clothing. I could either get her New in Box for 200-something...or have some fun piecing her back together for less than half the price... Isn't it obvious which choice sounds more fun??! I went to Walmart yesterday with mellow, because I heard they had the Reel Drama dolls, but alas, I saw none on the shelves. I'm too broke and lazy to order one online, and all the second-hand reel drama dolls are being sold at like, EGREGIOUS prices...One thing remains consistent between my last entry and my current: I HATE SCALPERS >:(!!! Dolls are so pretty. I've got a big porcelain one my grandmother gave me. She's beautiful, and I feel I do not treat her as well as I should. She's in my basement right now... Maybe I'll have some tea with her today. She deserves it! I feel like I'm too brutish and bold to have a soft spot for these things....Here I am, eighteen years of age, looking at children's dolls online. Aren't I so grown? Ah, I don't care. They're all very pretty. In the future, I want to learn how to reroot and repaint things when i'm older... As a hobby. I'm praying that this snow will come down hard and keep us all locked inside of our houses. I'm doing good on homework, But I want to rot in bed all day, just like I did over break, lol. Have a safe day all!!

TODAY'S MISSION: Finish expository work. T'is long overdue...

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Dec 2, 2025

This is the worst time of year to have a driver's license >:(. I swear, people drive like they're immune to the torrential ice and snow the rest of us are subjected to. You can be a tailgater in summer - and you're a douche for doing that - but atleast you're a douche driving on clear roads. In winter, all these douches turn dangerous... Mari, our new kitty, Is doing just as well as she was doing yesterday. We're trying to get her to explore the rest of our house and maybe start tolerating her grandpa (pepper, our other cat). I'm torn between working over winter break or staying home and resting. I feel like a failure for being unemployed. Everywhere you go pressures you to buy or spend money in other ways, and I feel like a child in a world of self-sufficient adults who have mastered responsibility. It's christmas time, and I'm broke :(. I know the holidays aren't about presents and materialistic gifts, but it would be nice to grant my boyfriend that blanket he wants or my mother the alien statue she saw at the mall and fell in love with. Scalpers make it impossible to find anything niche for people at a reasonable price. Monster High's Xenomorph Collector doll comes to mind. It would be a cool little thing for my mom, but when all you find online are listings charging almost triple the price for it...($85 vs $250, take your pick.) I want to put the world on pause and just take a deep breath. I'm not one to make detailed to-do lists, but I could really use an extra 24 hours in the day to just get all of my work done. Even if I did have that extra 24 hours, I probably wouldn't get anything done. I'm lazy and incompetent like that. Oh, there's also the high school robotics competition season looming over my head. Great. It totally doesn't drive me crazy thinking of trying to work in that environment again. Alone. Without people my age working with me. I miss you, Mellow. I miss you, Andrew. All the good is gone and all the bad has remained and doubled in size. There's like, one mentor on this team that I like, and everyday I have to face reality: I'm disappointing him. I hardly know Java, and nothing inspires me to try to learn it anymore. I'm a bookshelf that overflows with half-written memoirs of calculus, expository, chemistry, you name it... I've got the book to learn java, but it just won't fit in with all the other things I have to learn and finish. I'm not good at honoring anything that makes me who I am. Atleast I have two cute cats to go home to tonight.

TODAY'S MISSION: Maybe prevent myself from failing any more future Calculus quizzes.

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Dec 1, 2025

Thanksgiving break has concluded. I am back at school. My hair is a little less blonde and a little more pink.. Mari, the cat I mentioned in my last blog post, has arrived in our household! She's expectedly very nervous about her new environment and her new roomates, but she's made so much progress! she has so much fur, and she's a calico, too! a very pretty girl indeed. It's getting snowy here in the midwest. I'm a little more hesitant about driving, but everything feels so much more cozy :-). A dentist appointment waits for me after school, but I may reward myself with a visit to walmart in the presence of my boyfriend. My hands are so shaky right now...should I get lunch today? We'll see. To summarize my break: I ate food with my family and mellow's, I hung out with mellow (a lot lol) and I slept. I'm still tired, though. I'm always tired...mentally and physically. someone tranquilize me -_-...I've got to fight the good fight for a couple more weeks until christmas break. that's the real ticket.. I'm ready for putting up my department 56 snow village house collection, fattening up on eggnog, and smothering myself with blankets. Christmas makes me happy. January does not... I wish december would last forever...

TODAY'S MISSION: get back into the groove of things.

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Nov 25, 2025

Last day of school before I get a nice five day weekend for thanksgiving. I've got a lot to be thankful for right now. My family, my friends, my boyfriend, my health...all that jazz. I'm thankful for driver's licenses....congrats Myk3l!!!! I'm thankful for this lil ol' page, too. It's given me a chance to keep up with my friends that I otherwise wouldn't be as close to. It's become my morning routine; I check up on my friends' blog posts, and then I write my own. It gives me a glimpse of their lives and thoughts I otherwise wouldn't see. One's in college, and I'm happy I've gotten the chance to stay close to her through this blog and my learning of how to operate it. I find it hard to sound smart when I talk. Mellow knows this....I've got good ideas, I think, they're just stuck up on some dusty top shelf of the Broca's area in my brain. I say so many wasteful things that I don't mean, or don't come out right, Or just aren't necessary...It's easier to write them all down here. I've never been one to keep a diary (too much work :P) but this is the closest thing to one I've got. It lets me express my appreciation for my friends without texting them some awkward, choppy message. It lets me organize myself and my thoughts. It gives me an outlet to seethe or celebrate about some mundane thing going on in my life. I can nerd out about my favorite things without feeling like I'm bothering someone with how poorly I display myself while doing so. I don't think of my biological family as much during thanksgiving as I do all I've made for myself. My loving partner (who I will be stealing mac n cheese from this thursday. watch out mellow.), and my friends and my academic successes.. I'd celebrate them this thanksgiving. I don't owe my rude aunt or borderline misogynistic uncle any thanks. I owe my mother and father thanks, of course, but I wish I could celebrate with just them. No loud old folk, no "offensive" humor, just them. I don't know how much I'll update this blog over the next week or so. In a perfect world I'd love to hibernate for three days straight and wake up feeling better than ever, but I've got responsibilities >:( I can be cringe on this site. I love this freedom. My family might be getting a new kitty this friday..... we shall see. I'll post a photo of her when it comes to that! Maybe that will be friday's blog post: "All About Mari"! Happy holidays everyone. To my friends: I care about you all so much. To mellow: I love you!! and I can't wait to see you later today. Bye all. time to do absolutley nothing in class..

TODAY'S MISSION: FINISH my calc test. still ugh.

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Nov 24, 2025

Nothing like a near-collision while driving to really sober you up to just how inexperienced you are. It's easy to zone out behind the wheel, or forget just how dangerous the act of it is...Only one reader (mellow) was there, and knows just how scary it was. I don't trust myself as much anymore, haha. Other than that, It was a fun trip to the city. We went to a giant antique mall, there were lots of cool thingz :), such as an old voltometer, and a massive garfield collection. There was an entire shelf of old cameras, which I know absolute jack about...thankfully I'm dating someone who somehow knows the precise anatomy of these alien devices. He sometimes says he's a novice about this stuff, but I don't believe that..... I found a disc box for season 2 of my favorite TV Show, ER, and spent way too much money on it, lol. But it's worth it. I used a lot of my downtime watching that on my old windows XP laptop, because my new computer doesn't have a media player. I forgot just how much I love that show! I'm already looking on ebay for the other seasons.. but I only really want to own up to season 8. The entire reason I want the seasons on disc is so I can have it on hand at anytime. My mom thinks I'll treat it like junk after I finish the season...but I've been coming back to this show for the past 4 years. This is my treasure. It's mine...I own it! My favorite characters are pretty much in my pocket..I still can't believe it! I know I'm way too excited about this. It's mundane, really. I need to calm down. I go back to teaching middle school robotics tomorrow. I like doing that. My mentor called me "awesome". "awesome" is a nice feeling. I hope I can be "awesome" tomorrow.

TODAY'S MISSION: Pass my Calculus test. ugh.

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Nov 21, 2025

Today is Friday. The bar by my house will beat with life long after every other pulse has ceased. It's a beautiful building - a spirit of line-dancing and liquor entombed within a monumental old barn - but it's oh so loud. I've adjusted, and now it's another soothing reminder of the inherent human experience, unfolding just a mile away. Life's funny. I recieved my first guestbook entry yesterday! Hello Luneth!! She has started her own blog, you can read all about it here. Last night I TOTALLY LEGALLY DOWNLOADED 20-some more songs onto my MP3 player. As a result of my first-hand experiences with this device, my mind's eye has shed its cataracts, and I see capitalism as the evil it is. I hate how normalized ads are everywhere. Seriously, since when did we as a society decide spotify premuim was a neccesary expense? since when did we decide that the hostile price-gauging of media important to our history and culture was acceptable and inevitable? Am I making any sense? The worst trait a person can have, In my opinion, is mindless compliance to consumerism and its agents. Consumption is not sustainable. Brands are not your friends. Pirate more. Thrift more. Go out and buy a CD player. Go look around goodwill or somewhere adjacent and buy some movie discs. No more monthly payments. No more unskippable advertisements. The entire Star Wars' Skywalker Saga can be yours forever, without the incessant pressure to buy buy BUY. My weekend plans! Saturday will start with cleaning: my car and room... and then I will head to the big city with mellow to go antiquing!! I'm looking for Rockafire Explosion memorabilia, vintage presidential campaign pins, or old monster high dolls to restore. Only the pins are ever really a reasonable price, though. The ring mellow got me is very beautiful, but it's got my real name on it, so I can't share it here :-(. I wear it every day, and keep it close to my heart. Have a good weekend, all.

TODAY'S MISSION: Finish my chem lab before it's due, later today...

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Nov 20, 2025

Good morning netizens..! and a very good morning to jemma and luneth who both shouted me out on their blogs :-) This site has been a good way to keep up with old friends I don't see in person much, like them. I didn't end up going to robotics yesterday, I opted to lounge at home and played Tomodachi Life instead (paul mccartney and spongebob are having a baby. love wins.). lately, I've been thinking about college so much... I can't wait to be out of high school. I mean, I'm afraid of it, but I'm excited to leave all I want to leave behind and focus myself entirely on what I want to do and who I want to be. Maybe I'll make a gallery page of all the places I go and things I see. Oh, I added a guestbook to the site, but right now it's only a link on my front page. I'll convert it to its own dedicated page sometime when I gain that knowledge. I also need to finish a page for all the old-school films I hold near and dear to me, but there's a few different directions I could go with that, and I need to ground myself and finish all my class things first. I love my calc teacher, but I feel like I don't deserve to talk to her with how bad my grade is... I've also got a million crochet projects to finish. The therapeutic hobby has become anything but. I'm chillin with mellow later today and looking forward to drinking a nice coffee. Maybe a nice coffee with mellow....

TODAY'S MISSION: Obtain and consume some good food for dinner.

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Nov 19, 2025

Spent my 2.5 year anniversary with mellow rather unceremoniously, building a robot with some middle schoolers. Man, I've been so caught up with HTML and CSS that I'm worried I've forgotten a lot of Java. It's not like I'm a good java programmer at all... If I wrote a book consisting of all the knowledge I can recall of the language, I'd make a damn good cover, and that's about it. I want to get some alumni who did work for the high school team together so I can learn from them, but I feel silly interrupting their busy college lives for me, some ditz they left behind in high school. I miss my old drive team. It's hard to say it to their faces, but my passion for robotics at the high school level just...isn't there anymore without them. I'm the oldest person on the programming side of things, and combine that with being the only GIRL, I always feel alienated from everyone else. I'm constantly irritated. It's like my way of deflecting my fears of falling short of expectations onto other people. If I'm mean and distant, I can't feel bad for failing, right? Today's a half day in school. Maybe i'll destress with some good ol' computer games. I could really go for a 90's point-and-click right about now.

TODAY'S MISSION: get good(er) at java.

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Nov 18, 2025

My worst fear about college is being so far away from all that I've grown up with. Oh, why does time insist on marching at such a rigorous pace? I worry that I neglect to appreciate all I have, and I will continue to do so until it will be out of arm's reach. I can thank modern technology for the ability to see my parent's faces at any time, it's a convenience my father did not have when he was in my position; however, there is one member of my family who will not understand why I'm gone. I am forced to watch as my cat's age makes itself evermore apparent as each year goes by. I've been close to my parents and far to my parents, but Pepper has always been here. 12 long years with him. I feel as if I've been a horrible person to all around me, in one way or another, but i'm thankful that his little feline mind lacks the sapience to recognize my flaws. Even if I am just a warm figure or a hand to stroke his fur, It would break me if something were to happen to him while I'm gone. December 16th will mark three years since the passing of my other cat, Earlene. I still cry about her a lot. I had a lot less going on back then, and having Pepper in the wake of her absence helped me bounce back better than I would have otherwise. I don't want to go home to an empty house. I don't want to see his favorite spot in my parents' closet collect dust. I'd give fifty years of my own life for the promise of his safety. Man, I feel so weak. today's blog post: saoirse is a crybaby. lol.

TODAY'S MISSION: get a smidge of homework done at the library. chill with mellow. build a robot.

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Nov 17, 2025

Good morning, all! :-) This weekend, I attended a symphony preformance of Braham's 4th with my partner, and visited my grandparents to tell all about my college plans. Shoutout to mellow for making a killer peach cobbler... and shoutout to my environmental science teacher for having us spend the hour watching a documentary about dirt right now. I have grown to love dirt in this class. As we see it more and more, I dislike the efforts some take to remove things like leaves on the ground. That's literally a worm's home, bro....ur making the worms HOMELESS. I don't care if your flat lawn of grass looks "ugly" as a byproduct. We need to think (literally) deeper than that. A guy just ate a handful of dirt in this documentary to analyze how well the soil saturates the vineyard it hosts. That's odd... but I rock with it. It's almost thanksgiving, and that's all that getting me through my classes. I'm pissed that this family never makes a good ol' mac n cheese for thanksgiving, though. I couldn't care less about friggin POTATO SALAD. goddamned white family is allergic to yummy food... Tomorrow is mellow and I's 2-and-a-half year anniversary, and I also get to work on the robot the middle school robotics team I mentor for is building. It's shaping up to be a sort of okay week. I hope it stays that way.

TODAY'S MISSION: learn about dirt. and maybe do calculus homework after that.

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Nov 14, 2025

Well, I got my expository classwork done... but at what cost. -_- I barely slept a wink. It wasn't actually the late night Monster Energy that kept me up, like I expected; it was a wonderful little smoke alarm singing its heart out in the early hours of the morning. I'm powering through, though. I've got a weekend to look forward to with my partner. Oh, I also got a 28% (rounded up...) on my most recent calculus quiz. I thought that would bother me more, but my meds make it bascially impossible to care about things like that. It's funny. A year ago, I would've flipped my lid with a score like that, but now i'm just...apathetic to this sort of thing. See, it's good because i'm not worried about much at all anymore, and it's bad for that exact same reason. I hope to make this site look prettier soon. Maybe this weekend... Maybe sometime after. But i'll get it done. Have a nice weekend, all.

TODAY'S MISSION: Take a nice nap, or spend some good time in the company of those around me.

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Nov 13, 2025

Hello? Hello?!! This is my first ever blog entry! Shoutout to my friends, Mellow, Jemma, Myk3l and Luneth!

I'm having a good day. I hope you are, too. I've got lots of homework...

...but i'm choosing to get learnt up on HTML instead. This is way more fun.

TODAY'S MISSION: work on writing for my expository class. I'm speaking about silent films :-)!

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